he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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