Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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