my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
