I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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