How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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