That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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