Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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