We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
