i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
love makes seman taste better
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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