Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Define "chronic" masturbator.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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