She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
