update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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