The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
