I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
