and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
