Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had sex on a roof
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
