Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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