seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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