There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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