we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
