Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
