I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
