If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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