Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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