...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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