He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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