Redeem this text for a blowjob
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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