i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
