Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm passing your future prison.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
