They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
