I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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