I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize