Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
