I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
