If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
