i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
