I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
