so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
