why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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