Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
