someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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