she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
