Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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