I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
