I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
