You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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