My liver just broke up with me...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
