My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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