On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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