You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
