I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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