My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
