I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
