The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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