Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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