Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
