drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
