You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
