hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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