That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
