Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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