1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
