I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
