you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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