you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Non-Jews are for practice
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
